Smiling in the faces of judgment; Laughing in the midst of repugnance. 

We’d rather masque our shortcomings for image than to embrace them for testament.

I’ve fallen beneath measurable lengths. I’ve committed myself to wholehearted distrust of my maker. I, thus, have failed. 

In an effort to still omit during alleged transparence, I opt not to share the gory details. One hundred ninety one days ago, I thought I could bear no more. It was the end, I believed. The lifting outweighed my strength, the tears overran any holding, my smile was ornamented with pain. So yes, even I thought it best to leave it all behind. 

But let me tell you the God I know. The one who continues to love me in spite of my failures. The one who picks me up when I’ve dragged even His name down. The one, period. 

We may never understand many things that exist and occur around us. God may allow things to happen that we find fault in, that we might question. Be certain, still, that the final word is His alone; what he allows is still run by Him… and what he doesn’t, too. 

I was not kept here to be captured in the bystander effect. I must seek, find, and fulfill my purpose. I must speak when my voice can make a difference, lead when there are others who could benefit from my choosing not to follow, and love notwithstanding circumstance.

Thank you, God, for saving me though I am undeserving. 

-Samantha

*a note* – do not ever flinch at the hand of mistreatment; fight back, even if fighting is earthly flighting. There is no one on this earth who deserves to control any part of you. Not your mind. Not your body. Not your spirit. No situation you are in is worthy of your entire life’s end. You are more than a conqueror.