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Broken.

I used to soar. Swiftly, softly, sometimes. I used to float. With flexibility. I used to.

My wings have been shafted under the wind of disappointment. You. Told me things I believed in love, but belief is a personal problem only to be dealt by self. Fool me once. 

No shame. 

You ran a game I never knew I was playing. Hurdling over puddles of tears, vaulting in the shadows of 7 (or was it 11) years, I’m out of shape. Breathing deep trying to inhale your peace that I may sleep at night without fighting the demons that enter my dreams reminding me, silently, that no matter how many times you spoke the words, it never would have been me. You loved. Fool me twice.

!tfihS. Blame it on me. Shame it on me.

Pierce my skin with invisible weapons. Hope and promise and love or. Lust after me, moisten my lips with your kiss that I may only hear your desires, and never see your lies.

Pierce my skin with invisible weapons. Hope and promise and love or. Lust after me, stretch my hips with your protégé that I may be… foremost, admirable, majestic, incomparable, laureate, yielded… too.

Kill my dreams with the transparent stares that see through me whence she’s learned my name. still my eyes transcend your left breast. beyond the muscle and through the tattoos, i see you, there.

Hello.

Your palm sweats in mine though it’s cold as winter in Alaska. Are you nervous? Speak, don’t let your expression suffer anemia, it’s just me. Spare not the gory details that just might save my soul from your bull… Please.

I close my eyes and see the first time. It’s head up near the reminiscent Uni-days. Lean back, you come closer to me. Gently grab me and allow the glistening skin above your chin to embrace mine. Open, wide. This is a wizard’s magic. Don’t challenge me. I buck back. I’m embarrassed, not disappointed. You’re so concerned about me you can’t focus, keep going. I’m sorry.

There ain’t enough curren$y in the world to buy back the tears we sh(ar)ed as we lay. I wouldn’t change them for the world. Fly me to Vegas, can I slot for a shot? Give me a ball, is it double or nothing? Are we B, b and Q, peanut butter and jelly, chocolate… Gihradelli? Are we? 

 Is this regret already?

I turned my headlights off so that you could clearly see me. I unplugged the world. I shut my mouth to denial, closed my ears to lies, opened my eyes to deceit, and you can still blame it on me.

My wings have been shafted under the wind of disappointment. 

I can’t tell if the liquid in my view shields me from the future I once dreamed, or stagnates me into a present I don’t deserve. I packed a bag and walked away from perfection because you told me to. Who said perfect doesn’t exist? Have they ever met us?

I think I lied for you. Wake up every morning yet inside I die, for you. 

Trying to fly but water is heavy and my cries won’t let me ascend. Drifting in a river bend. Gasping for air. You have watched me drown. I’m going down. 

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Hi, I'm Samantha (Sammie). I could define myself by the work I do, in title, but I'd rather share the characteristics of the type of person I not just want, but strive, to be. I am growing every day, learning to love and Trust God more, and in turn, loving myself and others just the same. Simply put, I want to change the world. I will use this blog and every platform I am opportune to stand upon to encourage youth, peers, and older adults alike. I pray that God will give me the courage to share the words to make a difference. You have the power to be victorious! 1 John 4:8 ". . .God is love." 1 Corinthians 13 (Initial Blog Post)

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